Sunday, January 24, 2010

Back Up

So the other day I blogged about listening to our answers as we ask the question; "how do I want this to be?". A very interesting thought since that post:

What if we don't know how we want things to be?
This just hit me about 20 minutes ago but off the coat tails of a client that I was working with this past week. I had given him "coaching 101 homework" which was a few introduction questions to get his brain processing prior to our meeting. Some of the questions were;"What is important to you to get out of this coaching experience and why? and the other big one of course was if you are unhappy with circumstances in your life at this moment then "how are you ready for your life to be different"? For the sake of annonimity we will call him John. John came in and said, "Melissa I am so sorry but I did not do my homework", I told him that was ok and asked why? He proceeded to tell me that he felt so overwhelmed in his life as a whole and just felt so empty that he didn't even know where or how to start asking questions and understanding answers, he just knew couldn't continue living like he was living.

The pressure and pain that he was experiencing were palpable. So I asked him what was important to him in that moment? He said he didn't know. I asked him to close his eyes and to just trust whatever popped into his mind and asked him again. He paused then gave a little laugh and I said that what was "that"? He said I feel like I need to "pop". He said he saw a balloon and a pin. So I then asked how will you feel when you have popped? He told me relieved, calm, peaceful...happy. TADAAAAA there is our answer of How do we want things to Be...for John it was relieved, calm, peaceful and happy.

I share his story to share a point that sometimes in our lives we become a frog being slowly cooked to a boil... we are in lukewarm water...we get used to our surroundings, in his case he was so immersed in a painful life...the boiling water and didn't know how to jump out... we "live with things" because that is what we were taught to do..."deal with it", "keep it together", (feel free to insert your personal programming here... in fact pls comment if you have some to share). If this life we are living, relationships we are in, ways we are or are not communcating etc, is not in line with or allowing us to honor our true authentic self we will begin to feel things that may be painful. To the extent that we listen to our inner voice is to the extent that we will either stay aligned with our highest path and purpose or we will ignore and continue existing in the luke warm water on our way to being cooked. Our highest self does not want us to just exist and suffer a slow death so to speak so if we do not listen to our inner voice and continue doing what we are the painful way we are living ( pls know pain is relative to each person and their personal situations)...if we choose not to listen then the body will step in and make the message louder by creating physical symptoms. ( This is a potential deep conversation point so I will elaborate more on this in the book vs. blog space).

Please know that journey into be-ing is not all about life being bad to inspire growth or change; what about those of us that our life is great. The outside world looking in would say, "she/he is so lucky"... she/he seems to have all of the things; car, house, clothes, relationships... ask her/him how they feel, the answer... guilty. Guilty for wanting to listen to that inner voice that is calling for more ( if this is you I invite you to share your story with me confidentially, at

Whether you are in a painful place in your life or a great place wanting even more greatness it is the feelings that you are feeling that will allow you to begin to understand how you want/need to answer the questions..."how do you want to be?" For John it was relieved, calm, peaceful, happy...for my numerous clients that have been living in guilt many of them just want to feel free... These are your valuable insights into you, into creating new understandings, new definitions, new moments, new awareness of how you are ready to be now...

Gratitude and Love to you...Melissa

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